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Melissa Fino

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San Diego, CA 92167

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    MELISSA'S MUSINGS

    A place where heart and mind can connect through the power of words.

    Lonely Life of the Giver

    April 19, 2017

     

     

     

     "Don’t give to get. Give to inspire others to give.”~ Unknown

     

     

    What does it mean when you’re always giving to everyone else but you never give to yourself?

     

    Do you find that you are always giving to others but you rarely get anything back in return? Does this happen on a daily basis? In multiple relationships? If so I suggest you grab yourself a strong cup of coffee and sit down in a comfortable chair because I am about to hit you with a hard dose of reality.

     

    There are numerous reasons that we give. Some of us simply just give because we are wired to give. We have no intention of receiving anything in return. We have no expectations. We don’t expect that the “receivee” will jump up for joy or that they will be wholeheartedly indebted to us. We just give that’s it. We are better people for it.

     

    But giving, not just giving from the heart, prompts so many questions. Why do people give to others?  We give to be charitable. We give because we have more than another and we want to see them smile. We give to express thanks. We give as simple reminders to others that we are thankful for the tremendous part that they play in our lives. We give to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and so many memorable occasions in our lives.

     

    But the question becomes is it possible to give too much? Yes, it is possible. Now hold on a second here. Let me be clear. I am not talking about charity or giving to others who have less than we have. I am talking about the giver who gives for the wrong reason.

     

    So lets talk about the giver who keeps on giving.

     

    I know a lot about this person because I was once this person. I always gave to others. I still do. The difference between today and yesterday is that what I used to give to others was more than I would give to myself.  I loved giving. One of the best feelings is watching someone squeal with excitement as they open the perfect gift you just got for them! I always gave. Sometimes the gifts were spot on. Sometimes they made no sense. What I realized about myself, as a giver was that I had started a horrible pattern. I wasn’t giving to be nice or to be following social norms. I was giving so that I would stay relevant. I was giving so that I would feel needed. I was giving because I thought ME, ALONE, without any gifts was not worthy. So unbeknownst to me gifts, which had monetary value, replaced all of my shortcomings.

     

    Giving to others is such a beautiful gift and I had tainted it!

     

    I thought if I stopped giving I wouldn’t be needed and than well that would be the end of the relationship. Right?

     

    With that I had also established unhealthy relationships in my life that were solely based on what I was giving. Believe me that is a shit storm to go back and fix! If you find that you can relate to any of these I ask you to take a step back and reevaluate the way you look at yourself. I encourage you to offer more love to yourself and give to yourself. Give yourself everything (read previous blogs for more on self love).

     

    BUT there are deeper subconscious levels that must be considered when we spend all of our time giving for the wrong reasons. I’m sure you’ve heard of the law of attraction? The law of attraction is the ability to attract what we want in our lives by positively focusing directly on what we want. Or simply put like attracts like. The energy we put into the world is the energy we will receive. As givers when we give, we believe we are attracting more gifts our way. The truth is that when we give from insecurity we are only attracting more people who will endlessly take from us. We attract the opposite of what we need which is more insecurity.

     

    When you are giving with expectations of receiving and you are not receiving anything in return it shows! You’re sad all the time. You feel like you’ve been wronged. You hold animosity. And you feel like a doormat. Trust me, I know this feeling. It doesn’t feel good. Yet, you continue to give because it is the only thing you know.

     

    As givers when we give, we believe we are attracting more gifts our way. The truth is that when we give from insecurity we are only attracting more people who will endlessly take from us.

     

    So here is the bottom line. You must evaluate what is the real reason you are giving a gift. You must not give to have others like you; you must give for the want of giving, to share life’s precious gifts with another who is close to you.

     

     You must love yourself first. Loving yourself wholeheartedly opens the door to change in your life. Opens the door to possibility for so much love. When you feel love, you become love, you offer love, you are than open to receiving love and more love comes your way.

     

     

    I would love to have you as a member of the Love Your Life Community. Sign up for my email list today and receive your free ebook, “Eight Ways to Let that Shit Go”. 

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