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Melissa Fino

(619) 301-4480

melissa@loveyourlifecommunity.com

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4833 Santa Monica Avenue

Suite 7742

San Diego, CA 92167

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    MELISSA'S MUSINGS

    A place where heart and mind can connect through the power of words.

    Feel Your Feelings and Not Just Your Thoughts

    July 4, 2019

     

         I’m honored and fortunate to have met you on this beautiful journey of healing and loving the beautiful, life you get to live. I know how important this is, as I’ve walked in your shoes and shared similar feelings. One thought I always had that was malicious and false was that I was alone. I wasn’t, I never was and I never will be. But when I was fearful of speaking my truth, and sharing my whole story. The person I was could never see, what was beyond the lie I was living.

     

                If you’re holding onto a secret that you’ve been carrying for years I fear that these words may hit on your heart the same way they hit mine.

     

         There’s a reason you’re here as well. A reason you’re reading this, right now. I imagine you’ve tried numerous methods or considered working with different people or trying different programs, but I wonder have you really lowered your walls enough to make the change? I urge you to think about something on this journey... everything you are feeling is manifesting within you. So if you’re thinking I don’t have time or money or energy, remember this, the mountain you’re carrying on your shoulders is depleting your energy and creating fatigue in your body. The emotions you are hiding are the only reason you are not living.

     

         I implore you to keep an open mind, an open heart.

     

         Before you move forward, and begin to look at these techniques and methods I encourage you to keep an open mind. As a reminder, just as in life, every technique and method will not work for everyone. But I assure you that a few will bring clarity and perhaps even the closure you’re looking for.

     

    Challenge & Reframe your Negative Thoughts

     

    Looping, negative thoughts or ruminating are often a trigger for shameful feelings. When you mentally revisit conversations or situations where you felt shamed or if your thoughts are a series of self-criticisms, you are only strengthening your shame. Your job is to weaken the grasp shame has over you, and you can do that by challenging your thoughts.

     

    Shame-based thinking is often based on dire predictions, doubt in your ability to cope, selective focus on negative aspects of events or the behavior of other people, and rigid ideas about how people should behave.

     

    Our mind has built stringent, impossible expectations for others as well as ourselves with this thought process. They become an endless cycle of vicious thoughts, that repeat over and over in our head and eliminate the possibility of discerning thought from reality.

     

    Rather than believing everything your mind tells you, find evidence to the contrary. Part of you knows you aren't a bad, unworthy person and that your thoughts aren't the truth or the entire truth. When your shamed-based thoughts try to control your mind, don't allow it. Put up a mental fight by reframing your thoughts and focusing on the positive.

     

    Automatic Negative Thoughts

     

     

    Every single one of us has Automatic Negative Thoughts. Here's an IDEA to minimize them, as I believe it’s impossible to eliminate them.

     

    Get a piece of paper and fold it in half.

     

    On one side write your automatic negative thought and on the other side write something different. The side that is different should have a phrase that is positive but it can also be logical or humorous. These phrases are to help you remember that these thoughts are just thoughts and that they not REAL. They never were.

     

    Another version of this exercise is to practice adding this simple phrase to the end of your you thought “ and that’s just a thought and that’s ok.”

     

    Here are some examples-

     

    Thought says “ I believe I’m going to fail my exam.”

    You say “ I believe I’m going to fail my exam and that’s just a thought I’m having and that’s ok.”

     

    Thought says “She doesn’t like me.”

    You say “ She doesn’t like me and that’s just a thought and that’s ok.”

     

     

    Adding this simple phrase to the end of all your thoughts reminds you that your thoughts are not real and that you are not alone. You are supported and loved.

     

    This shift in mindset might just be the extraordinary gift you need.

     

    Regrets… I have quite a few

     

    This exercise is designed to come to terms with actions you feel bad about, but when you look at them in the context of the world’s worries really aren’t quite so bad.

     

    If you find yourself thinking, I should have done _________ or I should not have done _________, think of positive thoughts that you can say in your mind as constructive thoughts to take the place of the negative thoughts, or even comments on the situation which make you realize, it may not be as bad as it looks. Remind your self that you are a small bit in a tiny world and at times we drag ourselves through the mud for thoughts or comments that are inconsequential.

     

    When you say I should have done this or I should have done that imagine what you would say to a friend who was saying that. Would that change your reaction? For some of us, we find it easier to care for friends and family then we do for ourselves.

     

    REPLACEMENT THOUGHT EXAMPLES

     

    Hey, at least I did something! 

    Maybe what I did wasn't quite as significant as I think.

    Relax, nobody's perfect.

    Breathe girl. It's not the end of the world.

    Did I learn something?

    Am I jumping to conclusions?

    What happened is not entirely my fault.

    Maybe the other person’s reaction had nothing to do with what I did, but was more to do with something else they were worried about at the moment or with their attitude.

    I’ll do something different next time.

    Girl, that was one minute in one hour, please don’t make it the whole day.

     

     

     

         Life can be overwhelming, especially when we live in our thoughts and don’t feel our days. When we hide our truth, we focus all of our time on hiding that we almost forget that life is happening right in front of us. We spend our time living in the past and our thoughts frequently rush to what will come and what will they think of me.

     

    The wandering mind happens easily, but it’s difficult to recognize.

     

         Think of this as your gift. And it’s yours, to use, if you’re ready. When you’re ready. And if you’re not I hope you find the method or technique that works for you because I don’t ever want to see someone walk alone. Remember, no one is ever alone, that’s a thought created in an isolated mind.

     

     

    Looking forward to this beautiful process of healing and watching as it all unfolds,

     

    Melissa

     

     

    P.S. This is a small sampling of something larger and more advanced that will be released soon. So if you’re loving, this freebie as much as I am, make sure to stay tuned in the future, as I’ll start to release dozens and dozens of methods that will embolden you to feel all of your days.

     

     

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