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Melissa Fino

(619) 301-4480

melissa@loveyourlifecommunity.com

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4833 Santa Monica Avenue

Suite 7742

San Diego, CA 92167

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    MELISSA'S MUSINGS

    A place where heart and mind can connect through the power of words.

    Compare if You Must but You'll be the Last to Cry

    April 18, 2019

     

     

     

     

         I have a question for you. Is there something that you really want to do but you’re too afraid to do it? Maybe you want to go back to college or you want to try out for a town sports league. Maybe you want to apply for a new job after a long hiatus at home or you even want to go to the gym, but it’s been years since you’ve seen the inside of one.

     

         Our minds go on overdrive as we think of every possibility that could go wrong. Or even, how embarrassing it could be. What will the person next to me think when they see me huffing and puffing away on the treadmill? Your inner critic spews out some nastiness like “they’re going to think I’m fat” and “they’re probably wishing they got on a different treadmill.” You even catch yourself mumbling to yourself “well geez they could have just moved if they wanted to.”

     

         But the most ironic thing about all of this is that while we’re looking at them believing that they’re judging us they’re probably not.

     

         And to be truthful they might be thinking the same exact thing. They’re thinking that you’re judging them. Because guess what? Whether we admit it or not each and every one of us is battling some form of insecurity. It could be a new one or even an old one. But every single one of us wonders what if something was different…

     

     

     

          Here’s the thing we have these conversations with ourselves, in our mind. They’re not real. They’re all thoughts. We know this, yet we still can’t control them. That inner critic, the little perfectionist that lives inside every one of us tells us that we’re never going to be good enough so why should we even try. And then we feel lost: confused and alone. So we do the thing. We compare. We scroll through social media and watch ourselves as we continue to plummet to places we never imagined we’d go.

     

    Can I ask you another question?

     

         Why do we always grab for our phones and begin to scroll through social media when we’re feeling insecure. I imagine it would probably feel better to go for a walk, take a deep breath or chug a cold glass of water. But no not us, we immediately go for the jugular. We look to throw more negative feelings on top of the pile we’re already feeling.

     

         I don’t believe we consciously know that we’re doing this. We seek a distraction and our first choice happens to be the unhealthiest option. But what would happen if we didn’t immediately reach for our phones?

     

         Would we be able to begin the process of separating and understanding the importance of understanding that our emotions are own. Our feelings are our own. And yes, even that little voice is ours as well. We control it. We decide if we’re going to let it control us or if we’re going to control it.

     

     

     

         But when it comes to life and experiencing it, don’t you want more? I know I do. I want to challenge myself and face my fears. I want to silence the inner critic and no longer feel the need to compare. I want to have control so I’m going to take it back.

     

         When I feel insecure I’m not going to allow myself to look elsewhere for the reason why I’m feeling that way. I’m going to look inside and find the reason that I’m feeling that way. When it comes to loving my life it seems like the best and only option.

     

         But I know you’re probably reading this and going “great girl you continue to do you but you’re not solving anything for me.” But the truth is I am. See life and our thoughts are simple but we choose to make them difficult. We allow our minds to wander off and create conversations and experiences that never existed. Is it boredom? Anxiety? Call it whatever you want but the truth is we can all change the way we think. Yes for some of us it will be easier then it will be for others but nonetheless, it can be done.

     

         If you want to change the way you think it all begins with you. Stop looking outside and asking yourself why others have things that you don’t. Start looking at what you have and expressing gratitude for those things. Start recognizing when you are most insecure. Keep a notebook with you and jot down when these feeling are most prevalent. Begin to acknowledge the trends and support yourself in a way where you are able to confront these feelings before they arise. Or  remove yourself from situations where you know you will feel insecure. Stop putting yourself in places, conversations experiences that make you question yourself. At least until you've confronted and tames your inner critic.

     

     

     Fill your home with sticky notes that remind you not to spiral down the lonely rabbit hole. Once you've done that begin to fill your home with reminders of the beautiful qualities you possess and all of the incredible gifts you have in life to be thankful for.

     

         Believe me I know how hard it can be to change these behaviors. At times I still have relapses where I think negatively about myself as well but any change is HARD. And if we want it we have to do the work because that shit doesn’t come easy. Did you know that it takes twenty-one days to break a habit? Well it does. You’re not going to change or even alter your thoughts after two days. It’s just not going to happen. But with courage, tremendous amounts of will power and commitment you can move past those pity parties that exist in your head and you can begin to take the wheel.

     

         You never know what could happen but there’s one SURE THING about it….

     

     

    It’s all in your hands and it's yours to control.

     

     

     

     

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