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Melissa Fino

(619) 301-4480

melissa@loveyourlifecommunity.com

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4833 Santa Monica Avenue

Suite 7742

San Diego, CA 92167

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    MELISSA'S MUSINGS

    A place where heart and mind can connect through the power of words.

    Have You Experienced Shame that has Negatively Impacted Your Life?

    December 7, 2018

     

     

    We are all perfectly imperfect, perfect just the way we are. But somewhere along our journey we’ve evolved. Some pieces have brightened while other pieces have hardened. The heavier pieces that we carry with us, that frequent our thoughts and placate our mind are the pieces that cause the most damage.  But in order to truly love ourselves, as we are, we need to let go of the story that we carry with us and embrace the beauty that lies underneath.

     

    Loving yourself, as you are requires more then one step.

     

         First, we must face the inner demons that exist inside. Those are the pieces that have become our identity. So many of us look at ourselves, and see who we are as our story. I was a victim of sexual assault therefore that will forever be my label. I was a victim of domestic violence therefore I will always be a survivor of abuse. This story goes on, for many of us. In fact, it goes on for most of us. This layer is the first layer that must be healed.

     

    To get to where we want to be we must look at where we have been.

     

         Deep inside of all of us lies numerous broken pieces. Personally, I’ve tried for years to put them back together as they were, but somehow they never go back to their original shape. My mind gets restless and prompts me to reflect back on some of my most difficult times. While I’m sitting here and appear to be present my mind is somewhere far, far away.

     

         I can recall all of the nasty words I’ve ever said to myself when I’ve felt insecure. I’m fat, stupid, short and pear shaped, the most unflattering of them all. I can recall every hurtful word that others have said to me. I’m stupid, selfish and I’ll never be good enough. I know these words are bad and wrong, but during times of insecurity they might just cross my mind.

    Deep down inside, I know that even though I may have let go of the pain that is associated with these words or experiences they have still changed the person I used to be. They have hardened me. In fact they may have hardened you as well.

     

         We all have a story that we carry with us into today. If this resonates with you and you feel that you may need support in releasing your story click right here and you will be redirected to another article that focuses on letting go. You can also contact me directly if you’d like to explore other practices for letting go of a story that is holding you back.

     

    Today, we’re taking it a little deeper.

     

         Assuming you’ve already done the work that is associated with letting go of your story I ask you to think about who you were before “your story”. Underneath that story, lies the person you were before. While those pieces may be a distant memory, or a shadow of who you used to be, they are still you, and they exist deep inside. They are unharmed, beautiful and begging to be set free.

     

    So how do we reconnect with the beautiful pieces that exist inside?

     

         We must look at the conditioned beliefs that we have placed on ourselves. To embrace ourselves wholeheartedly and love all of the pieces that exist inside we must reflect back to what life was like before we blanketed ourselves in shame. Before we were told that we were wrong. Or bad. Or that we would never be good enough. Before the negative mix tape played over and over in our mind.

     

    Underneath each of us is a free, loving, open, fun, careless soul that has never been shamed. That is the person who needs to be embraced.

     

         In order to let go of our “bad pieces” we must begin to look at life from a new, unbiased perspective. Before considering how to move forward with a new life experience, challenge or even conversation we should approach it by asking ourselves this one question, “How would I move forward with this if no one was judging me?” And that is the one and only action we need to take.

     

         In order to flourish and embrace ourselves wholeheartedly we need to embody this new mindset. We can control our lives by allowing only our opinions and behaviors to be the ones that matter.

     

         Can you imagine how different your life would be if you were able to see it through a child like lens? So different, my friend. So different.

     

         This is a bold, life-changing move that can directly impact the quality of your life and I think we should all give it the chance it deserves.

     

    This freeness will bring you to a higher level of self-acceptance and love that will renew your self-confidence and brightly shine through.

     

     

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