We crave to be loved by others when the truth is we need to offer more love to ourselves.
As a whole we all seek to fit in and ultimately be loved but somewhere on our journey we slowly lose touch with our own identity. We invest in the ideas of others and forget that we may have our own ideas, our own plans, goals and desires. How does this happen so quickly? Over time we are conditioned to understand that acceptance is positive. Praise is good. Flaws are bad. Uniqueness is misunderstood. So we begin to say yes more, when we truly want to say no. We lose touch with our perceived flaws and we do as the others. We follow the masses.
Our “people pleasing skills” and need for external validation has caused us to lose touch with our own identity. We’ve become so far removed from our own personal values, beliefs, and desires that we forget our own self-worth. We must forget our need to fit in and reconnect within. We must find ourselves.
Even now repeating those words “find ourselves” feels strange. Where have we gone? Well the truth is it is really hard to find our own identities underneath all of the superficial layers we have created. Even more. Some of us may spend our whole life appeasing others, that is - OUR WHOLE LIFE! Your life is yours to live. Get out there and do your own damn thing!
When we stop following others we begin to feel and experience what life truly is like. We experience real love, without wondering will the other person know what I’m hiding and when will the ball drop? We experience happiness. Real, true happiness. We are not happy when others tell us to be happy, we are happy whenever we want to be (which is pretty much all the time). We shed tears. Tears that are unlike any tears of sadness we have shed before. These tears are not from feeling misunderstood rather they are from feeling free. Open. They are pure joy. Wholehearted bliss.
I may have convinced you to start living your life your way but here are a few tips to help you start caring less about the others and more about yourself…
Stop the Need to Critique
Each of us has a set of standards that we live by (usually set by society) and if we notice that anyone is not adhering to them we feel the need to critique them. Immediately stop this need. Give people permission to be flawed. Eventually your need to critique others will be replaced with love and acceptance. Slowly you will begin to notice that your own inner critic will be more supportive and loving.
Embrace your Beauty
No one is you and that is your superpower. Love all of you, flaws and all. It is all of your “imperfections” that make you unique.
Be Honest about your Values
Ask yourself are you living a life that is specifically aligned with these values? Seek inward and create a list of your own core values and keep this list close to you. Uncover the barriers that are preventing you from this whether it be your family and friends, need for external validation or something deeper. Allow yourself to be guided by your values rather than the need to please others.
Speak your Truth
Speaking your truth is being honest about who you are and not having to change yourself in order to meet the needs of others. Speaking your truth takes the power away from the world and puts it back in your own hands. WHY? Because you are no longer hiding behind a façade you are honest and true.
And when you are fully able to live your life freely you will begin to notice that you will feel more comfortable speaking your truth, you’ll be open and receptive to new ideas, you’ll begin to feel less judgment and more compassion, you’ll be surrounded by others who will share your values, you’ll feel empowered to say no, rather than yes, and in the end – YOUR LIFE will be yours to live!
Thank you for being a member of the LoveYourLife Community. Sending love and light your way.