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Melissa Fino

(619) 301-4480

melissa@loveyourlifecommunity.com

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4833 Santa Monica Avenue

Suite 7742

San Diego, CA 92167

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    MELISSA'S MUSINGS

    A place where heart and mind can connect through the power of words.

    Authenticity Leads to Love

    April 6, 2017

     

     

     

    "Love yourself first because that’s who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with” ~Unknown

     

    We’ve all heard it before that old saying; “You must love yourself before you can love another.” And than we wonder is this true? Why is this true? The people who resist these words may say, “but I’ve been in a healthy relationship before and I didn’t love myself”. Others may even say, “I’m in a healthy relationship right now and I’m not sure that I  love myself.”

     

    Yes, it is important to love yourself first! Here is why. When we don’t love ourselves we are hiding. It’s almost like we’ve created a facade that we present to the world. One of who we are and who we want to be. But sadly, underneath our truth is hiding.  By not being seen at our most authentic we are lying to ourselves. As well as everyone we love. We must share our flaws. It is our flaws that make us real.  By allowing ourselves to open up and be vulnerable we create space for the best kind of love. Unconditional love.

     

    This love affects the overall quality of our life. It releases negative ties and promotes positive relationships around work, friendships, family, and ultimately our future love life.

     

    So why do we want to love ourselves?

    When we love ourselves it shows.

    The more love we give to ourselves the more we notice that we begin to grow.

    AS we grow, we begin to love ourselves even more.

    We begin to attract more of what we are putting out into the world.

    The more love we give the more we get.

    Love is a cycle.

    A beautiful, wondrous cycle.

     

    And yes it is true, we can learn to love ourselves while we are in loving relationships.  However, this is less than ideal as you may you risk the chance of your partner not willing to grow with you. Also remember that like attracts like. So when you are not your most authentic you are attracting others who are like you in that moment. They may also feel insecure, unlovable and unworthy.

     

    So if this is you. Take a step back and visualize your relationship. It is possible that you may share a common bond that was built upon insecurity. Your relationship may consist of negative behaviors, judgment and self talk, guilt and even hate. Hate for yourself that has caused hate for all of those around you.

     

    We must love ourselves wholeheartedly. When we love wholeheartedly we take into account that we are not perfect. We do not need to be perfect to allow ourselves to feel love. What we need is to love all of our imperfections as much as we love the pieces of ourselves that are near to perfection. In return, loving yourself acts as a tremendous gift of life.

     

    Committing to loving all of you.

     

    Begin your day with love

    Wake up every morning and set the specific intention to be mindful.  Be fully present and aware of your body’s needs and desires.  Don’t allow yourself to use technology. Breathe in love and become open to the new day. Open the blinds and soak in the present moment. All of it.

     

    Become emotionally, mentally and physically honest.

    Seek inward and acknowledge habits that you may have developed which continue to numb pain. Sleeping, eating, drinking, shopping and even gambling are just some examples of how we avoid discomfort.  Learn to acknowledge your discomforts and breathe through them.

     

    Enhance the quality of your life.

    Replace your old coping mechanisms with new interests and activities. Learn to cook healthy meals, challenge yourself by learning a new language, go to a different coffee shop, or a new workout class. Reawaken your senses and remember you are deserving of love.

     

    Practice Patience.

    Let go of the need to have everything immediately.  Let go of the fear that you will never reach your goals.  Change your voice to become guided by gratefulness and appreciation rather than one guided by worry.  Begin to trust your intuition and allow it to lead you on your journey.

     

    Be present.

    Be in the moment. Create affirmations that you can repeat to yourself when your mind begins to wander. Stop looking back at all the things that you cannot change and focus only on where you are today.

     

    Put your needs before the needs of others.

    Let go of the need to put others before yourself. Release ties with those who ask you to put them first. You are the creator of your own destiny. You manifest your future and hold the keys to where you will go. Don’t allow others to cloud your mind and interfere with your own personal desires.

     

    Find happiness from within.

    Accept responsibility for your own happiness. You are responsible for creating it.  You are happiness. Do not expect to receive happiness from others. Seek inward and find your own needs to be happy.

     

    Acknowledge your inner voice.

    Pay attention to your inner voice and listen to what it is saying. Is your inner voice supportive? Is your inner voice negative and critical? Acknowledge its need.

     

    Acknowledge the power that is received from self-love.

    Self-love is powerful. Self-growth is sexy. Self-awareness is a game changer.  When you love and accept yourself wholeheartedly you are in charge of your own life and ultimately your own destiny. There are no words or opinions from others that can change how you feel. Think about it. When you love yourself you are no longer at the mercy of others as you hold all of the power.

     

    Envision what your life is like when you love yourself.

    Trust and forgive.

     

     

     

    Remember that…

    Enforcing negative thinking only causes more dissatisfaction.

    Self-love is not a competition.

    Do not compete with others.

    I repeat do not compete with others.

    Focus on your strengths.

    When you dislike something about another person, look inward and see if you may possibly have that quality.

    If so you need to dig deep and change it.

     

    Begin to…

    Write down everything you love about yourself.

    Write down everything that you are grateful for.

    Utilize techniques that make you patient, present and open to receiving.

     

     

    Remember that loving yourself takes time. The point of loving yourself is not only loving yourself when you have more money, or a better job, or an intimate partner, it is to love yourself wholeheartedly! Yes this is when we are not perfect (perfection does not exist)! We must acknowledge that we are all flawed human beings, and still love ourselves regardless of any preconceived flaws we may have. The point is to love yourself today, as you are, all of you! 

     

    I share my truth because sharing my story has changed my life!  I know there are other women out there who are just like me. Please share this with them. Empower all women around you to be authentic and beautiful. 

     

    Please sign up for my mailing list to receive future information about upcoming projects and blogs. Also you can now find me on Facebook. When you like my new LoveYourLife Coaching you will have instant access to inspirational information that will add value to all of your days!

     

    Please feel free to contact me with any questions, suggestions or for wellness coaching.

     

    https://www.facebook.com/MelissaFinoloveyourlifecoaching/

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