Shame isn't a quiet grey cloud, shame is a drowning man who claws his way on top of you, scratching and tearing your skin, pushing you under the surface.
When was the first time you've ever felt shame?
What did it feel like? Most of us can’t remember our first shameful experience as it was many moons ago. And that first time has turned into experiences we feel everyday. So much so, that we continue to breathe them in and silently hope that one-day they’ll go away. But they don’t. They stay.
The only path to love is through shame.
We can’t rejoice for having it all been gone until we sit with it and feel its pain. Feel it all and watch as it washes away. Shame is complex because it’s never just shame. It’s masked and disguised. So much so, that at times we can’t even understand the feelings we attempt to hide.
We get so good at it that we’ve even learned how to trick ourselves.
But shame is still shame even when it’s called something else. I know you’re probably thinking, “well if it’s not shame what is it then?” Every shameful experience we currently have or can even recall is directly correlated to a negative experience or memory that we have.
But we call them something else. Instead we name it guilt, envy, despair, loss, emptiness, loneliness, judgment, failure and every emotion that has ever left us with an unresolved feeling of sadness. And with each day we throw another pile of unresolved feelings on top of our huge pile of shame. We build and we build. But we never stop and allow ourselves enough time to see the pile we’ve already built until we topple over and it’s way to late.
Imagine the mountains of shame you’re carrying with you
Shame shows up throughout our day. We see it unfold when we attempt to make connections with others yet we fail. We blanket ourselves with layers of shame and use it as a shield to protect us from pain.
-Have you ever been turned down for a job when you thought you were a shoe in?
-Have you ever got a D or even failed an exam that you thought you had A-ced?
-Have you ever been told you were not good enough for a promotion?
-Have you ever not been invited or excluded from an event that all your friends were going to?
-Have you ever been embarrassed in public?
-Or been the topic of unnecessary gossip?
-Have you even been ghosted by a friend or potential love interest?
-Have you felt uncomfortable going to work out, because it’s been a long time and you’re afraid you’ll be judged?
-Have you ever ate a whole pizza by yourself?
-Have you ever had an erection in public? Or got your period and stained your pants?
Whether we intend to or not, shame is a feeling that we feel throughout our day. As children we have been socialized to understand the difference between right and wrong by shame. If you could recall the first time you ever felt shame it would most likely be for interrupting, making noise, touching your body parts or even making a mess. But these are all things we must learn and this lesson is easily understood through shame.
So were our parents wrong?
No, they’re not wrong. But I bet you that over time you have allowed shame to take over your life. And perhaps, it exists in places that it no longer should. If you said yes to any of the questions from above then I guarantee you that you have felt the repercussions from shame.
Undoubtedly, you’ve told yourself to be happy with the job you have because that’s all you’re good for. Or you may have even whispered to yourself that you should lower your standards and not believe that you’re capable of more.
Well guess what? You are capable of more. But shame keeps you from living the life you want to live.
The pathway to love is only earned by walking through shame.
Within the next month, I will be offering a free webinar that will help you understand shame (the good and the bad). Yes believe it or not, there is good shame and it’s necessary to live a healthy and happy life.
But even more so, I will offer you tools to work through the shame that is holding you back. Believe it or not, we all have that little voice that whispers sweet nothings in our ear. Some of it’s positive and negative. AND all of those negative words, feelings and emotions are directly attached to shame. They keep us from moving forward and chasing after all the dreams our heart desires.
Are you ready?
Be sure to sign up for my email list so that you will be the first to know when it’s being released.
In the meantime, love and light your way,