Life is funny sometimes. This week my life went full circle and I was able to take a step back in time. With that one step I realized something that I had never acknowledged before. I’ve been harboring resentment. And even worse, I fear that I’ve been harboring that resentment for most of my life.
I thought it was gone. However, I was surprised to find that it still existed deeper inside. It wasn’t until I was able to come face to face with it again that I was able to understand it’s complexity and for once in my life, finally let the resentment go.
I fear that we all harbor resentments. Words that have been left unsaid or even words that were said that we repeat to ourselves over and over in our head when we’re alone. At times, we know these words are untrue and not aligned with our character however we refuse to let them die.
Why do we allow words to control our minds?
Personally, I was smacked in the face with my harbored resentment as I had a brief encounter with the woman who had left me scorned. In that very moment I could easily see how my presence made them uneasy.
Alas it took me twenty years to realize that the reason the other person spewed words of hate towards me actually had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with them.
What I couldn’t see then but can clearly see now is that I made her feel insecure. It took years for me to figure this out because the younger me was insecure herself. I battled with the hurtful words that were said because I had believed them myself. But it wasn’t anything that I had done. These things rarely have anything to do with us, and more to do with the person who is reacting.
We all have our own defense mechanisms that we utilize when we feel weak. This person coped with her own insecurities by belittling others. They felt weak therefore they ensured that others around them felt weak as well. Some of us use words while others utilize defense mechanisms that silence them and prevent them from speaking.
But I can clearly see what I couldn’t see then. To be honest, if I hadn’t of had this encounter I probably would have never known that I was still carrying those feelings with me. But it happened and I was blessed with an opportunity to finally face them and immediately let them go.
Harbored resentments are often big misunderstandings that never get resolved. They never get let go. So I ask you. Are you holding onto any grudges that were misunderstandings as well?
It’s all too easy. If I was to reflect upon the past week I could probably relay a handful of times that I misunderstood words from another and never asked for clarification. I imagine you have as well.
Well I suggest we stop allowing misunderstood words to weigh us down.
Here a couple of techniques we can practice to minimize harbored resentments…
Feel your feelings without judgment and then set them free. They can only be set free once they have been felt.
Ensure that you have ownership of your feelings and that you are not passing them onto someone else.
Adapt to the behavior of harming no one EVEN if someone else is harming you. BE BIGGER AND BETTER.
Look past the actions of another person and acknowledge that their reactions may be coming from something deeper inside of them and actually have nothing to do with you.
Offer forgiveness. When you forgive you release yourself from having to carry the unnecessary baggage with you as you go. Let that shit go for once and for all.
Just imagine all of the possibilities that can come when you are able to release your resentment and step forward with less baggage. Letting go of negative ties that are holding you back can allow you to make room for love, freedom, happiness, blessings, health, prosperity and abundance of all kinds. But this can only happen when we decide to let go. What will you decide?