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Why Disappointment Leads to Judgment


Last week my heart was broken. As I stood there in shock I had an out of body experience where it felt like my heart was pulled from my chest. It hurt in such a way that it almost felt like my heart had broken into the tiniest little pieces. You know the kind. The kind that makes you feel like whatever or whoever has knocked you to the ground has taken away the biggest part of you, your heart. It’s almost as if they’ve taken your last breath of air and what’s left is barely enough to survive.

Last week I felt a disappointment that I can honestly say was the greatest disappointment of my life. It’s not a piece that I’ll share today, however there may come a day where I do.

But I picked up the pieces and I did what I knew I had to do if I was ever going to move forward --- I sat down and cried. I forced myself to feel the pain. I allowed it all to come back and when it did I never pushed it back down. Instead with every tear I encouraged more to come. I now know something that I never knew before and that is in order to heal we must feel and we must feel it all, no matter how painful it feels.

Disappointment happens to all of us. We can get overlooked for that promotion we wanted. Or we’re disappointed in ourselves because we stayed home last night and ate our weight in Doritos. We’ve since woken up feeling like an overstuffed failure. Or we never talked to that guy we wanted to because we were feeling insecure. Or when we didn’t approach someone who was acting despicably because we didn’t want to make a scene. Or even that time we drank a few too many vodka sodas at the company Christmas Party. Not a day goes by where someone isn’t weakened by disappointment.

But then there’s the disappointment we feel that is not based on our actions. I must say this disappointment is the worst kind. This is the kind that you must sit with for a while. It could take hours, weeks or possibly even years but at some point when you are ready you have to let go. You must forgive. And while this forgiveness doesn’t have to be an exchange with the person who hurt you, it must be something that is experienced within.

Here’s why… We must forgive ourselves. More often than not another person’s actions have caused us to place judgment on ourselves and this is what hurts us most. We wonder why didn’t I see this coming? Am I not good enough? Was it something I did? And while deep down inside we know it's not us it still doesn’t stop that incessant voice inside that places blame.

If we’re not careful, and if we set our expectations to high, disappointment will continue to affect our lives.

After forgiveness, comes acceptance. Acceptance that life comes with highs and lows. Some of these experiences will bring us tremendous amounts of joy while others will break our hearts. But we must accept that heartbreak and better yet disappointment is a natural part of our life. It may not be our favorite but nonetheless it is a vital piece. So while our hearts may continue to break we must remind ourselves that we’ve felt this pain before. Be present in the moment and the disappointment will pass.

With every struggle I’ve found my strength. With every heartbreak I’ve found a deeper love. With every disappointment I’ve learned something more important about myself. I promise you this. You will be whole again. Life is a dance my friend, and with every lesson you come back better than before. So face it head on and feel all the feels. Look back and remember how far you’ve come. Tomorrow’s a new day and with it comes a myriad of possibilities and so many of them are waiting for you! But we never see what’s coming when we’re focused on the past, so sit with it and let it go. There’s a whole world out there waiting for you!

The key to having less disappointment in our lives is to surround ourselves with others who share our values. ***There will be more on this next week so be sure to come back.


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Melissa Fino

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