As women we advocate for progress but very little thought is given to how we hold ourselves back. No matter how much we oooooo and ahhhhh the sad truth is other women are not seen as allies they are seen as competition. But the real competition is not with the woman who sits across from you the competition is with the woman you see when you look in the mirror.
We are our own worst critics. We judge other women based on their appearance, job, body, husband and even a perceived level of success and then we wonder, does what they have make me less? Believe me it doesn’t. However, when we look at others in judgment it almost always acts as a sign of something deeper within ourselves. But before you look at yourself in disgust I urge you to take a deep breath and continue reading.
Believe it or not this is not all of your wrongdoing!
Historically, Evolutionary Psychology utilizes natural selection to explain competition amongst women. As females we are bred to protect ourselves, our bodies and families from harm, and at our weakest moments other women are perceived as threats. Therefore, we react by diminishing the value of our competition and over compensating for our own. We point out the flaws in “our competition” and "over exaggerate" our own accomplishments. We must protect. Protect, protect, protect!
But as I look back now I realize that judgment is not a form of protection. It’s actually the opposite. When we form judgments that are based on our own opinions or insecurities we continue to perpetuate the notion that women are inferior. What are we doing? We’ve got it all wrong.
I must be honest. I have felt this strong ping of insecurity before. I have felt the need to put another woman down in order to make myself feel better. Am I proud of myself? No, I’m definitely not. But when I was doing it I was unaware of why I was doing it. Is that an excuse? No. But now I know better and I can catch myself before those feelings of insecurity begin.
If you have felt this way before keep reading as I have some suggestions that will help eliminate this behavior.
Catch yourself when your mind wanders and attempts to judge another. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that the person you are about to judge is so much more then that one thing you are about to judge them on, they have a body, a mind, a soul and feelings. They are human just like you and their world is filled with highs and lows that you know nothing about.
Dig deep within and seek to find a connection with the feeling that this person has prompted you to feel. What are you insecure about? This could be a feeling, a physical body part or even a relationship. Offer compassion and love to what is making you insecure in that moment.
Offer forgiveness to whoever may have harmed you in the past. Offer forgiveness to yourself for judging others when you know it was wrong. Offer forgiveness to your future self as this may happen again. You are not wrong and you are not bad. You are working towards changing behaviors that have become your go to defense mechanism and that just might take a little time.
But for now I need you to know….
There is no need to judge. However there is a need to love. There is more then enough room in this beautiful world for us all to be loved.