Long Journey to Finding Love
"The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday” ~ Steve Maraboli
I have a confession to share about my long journey to finding love. It has been imperfect. While I may have mastered some incredible pieces of my life when it comes to romantic love I am so wrong. I haven’t conquered the art of letting go in relationships so at the first sign of struggle I close up shop. I guard my heart. My walls go back up, I shut down and I run in the opposite direction.The truth is I’m scared and any sign of weakness on the opposite end reminds me of my darkest moments. Flashbacks of every time I was rejected, criticized, been held as a victim to the blame game, verbally berated and deceived.
With each memory I am reminded of the darkness (the lonely side of love) and I shut down. So while I have mastered the art of letting go with my family and friends when it comes to dating, guys rarely have a chance.
This past week has brought clarity to my once jaded and bitter soul. For the first time I was able to see my actions on a larger scale rather than individual circumstances. When my actions were compiled on top of each other they had become an incredible burden to carry.
Every time a new “potential lover” hurt me in any manner that was familiar to my past I immediately shut down. I saw that as my only way out! My free pass from being vulnerable. The easiest way to not having to shed my layers. If I sense anything that reminds me of my past I immediately cut myself off from the possibility of anything new. I stop retuning phone calls or texts. I stop all effort. I stop trying and ultimately I stop caring. And since I was never emotionally invested I never saw the bigger picture. I never saw that I cut love off before it could be begin.
Since everyone has the capacity to love doesn’t everyone deserve a chance?
We each have a heart that desires to be filled. As well as a soul that seeks a deeper connection. We seek to be loved and desired by the opposite sex, but are we willing to admit that they are just like us? Human.
Truth be told, relationships are learning experiences. Over a period of time we build an enhanced connection with the opposite sex and begin to discover what are our partners likes and dislikes. Our strongest desire is to make them happy. When we find that they love flowers and sunshine we bring them to the park and soak up the beauty of their bliss. We stay up all night listening to their confessions and vow to ourselves that we will never break their heart. But the cold-hearted truth is we are all human and as humans we are bound to make mistakes.
We wholeheartedly make the decision to embrace our partner’s imperfections because we see them as pieces that make our own hearts whole. We determine whom we let in and at what time. Ultimately, we determine when we surrender to love.
The most important variable to surrendering to love is time. With time, we are able to let go of old patterns and emotions that no longer serve us. We develop new patterns that allow us to forgive. We become one with the knowledge that love begins and ends within. And ultimately with time, we are able to let love in.
Lucky for us our history does not determine our destiny. We are given opportunities every day to right our wrongs and learn from our lessons. And while, love is not easy, when we are able to let go and let love in, it becomes the greatest gift. I have decided to spend less time defending my broken pieces and more time surrendering to something greater, the love that will set me free.
Thank you for being a member of the LoveYourLife Community. Sending love and light your way.
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